


A bug in your throat

by aug325



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Canon-age Dib, Dib is a jerk, Frenemies, Gen, One Shot, Panic Attacks, Show level violence, Takes place sometime after the events of the show but before the events of ETF, ZADE, ZADF, Zim and Dib are still enemies, but like soft enemies, can be taken as Zadr if you want but not really, disgusting bathrooms, no beta we die, we just die
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:21:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25373059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aug325/pseuds/aug325
Summary: Zim's reactions were always extreme, illogical and made no sense. Dib didn't think twice when Zim ran out of the classroom screaming. What troubled Dib was how long he was taking to get back....Or...Dib ends up comforting Zim from a panic attack
Relationships: Dib & Zim (Invader Zim)
Comments: 20
Kudos: 140





	A bug in your throat

Dib fidgeted with his pencil, tapping it rhythmically on the side of his desk with every tick of the clock. It had been approximately one hour and thirty-three minutes and zero point five seconds since Zim had run out of the classroom screaming. But who was counting? 

Dib’s eyes remained laser-focused on the dingy desk covered in claw marks closest to the exit. It’s as if he was hoping Zim would materialize back into his seat if he stared at it long enough. The paranormal investigator was used to weird, irrational behavior from his alien classmate by now. Zim had never been one for sane or normal reactions. Zim was always loud, extreme, and over the top about the most minor, stupidest, and mundane things. 

Like the time yesterday, when a new student with wild and bouncy hair tried to sit next to him at lunch to introduce herself, Zim screeched and told her that no one will trap him in the jaws of friendship again, then proceeded to smack her in the face with his lunch tray before running out of the cafeteria screaming about how normal he was. 

Or another time when Miss Bitters called on him for not paying attention in class. Zim screeched at her for lying, then the teacher hissed for him to repeat the last few minutes of her lecture. Zim’s eyes darted at her and the whole classroom, everyone was gazing at him expectantly. His eyes met Dib’s who was holding back a snicker. Zim frowned at him, then confidently boasted off the time-tables off the top of his head. His confidence was misplaced when he was reminded by the Crotchety Educator that they were talking about history, and not math. This prompted all the students to laugh and tease him, as Zim spat retorts, giving Dib an opportune time to hop on the “he’s an alien” bandwaggon amidst the chaos. Miss Bitters only had to raise her voice once to get the class to get under control but by that time, Zim already bolted out of the classroom.

It wasn’t the first time that Zim had ran out of the classroom screaming but this has been the longest he has taken to return. Dib expected him to be back in roughly five to fifteen minutes. He would ask-no, confront him on his hysteria, only for the Invader to deny he had ever done such a thing. It was practically routine at this point. Just as much as shouting insults at each other from across the skool parking lot that neither could hear or Dib’s class presentations on Zim or them scowling at each other from across the lunchroom and their desks. Dib was very well used to the routines they fell into, and knew Zim’s schedule down to every last detail. 

So what was taking him so long this time?

The tapping of Dib's pencil increased in volume. Zim had to be planning something huge. Clearly, his huge performance of a reaction was an excuse to get out of class to work on his next evil scheme. No one spends that much time in the bathroom when it's not Mustard and Corn Beef day. At least not before Lunch. He had to be plotting something evil, something big. Maybe he's going to replace all their lunch food with a horrible toxin that made them all sick, wait, that's a normal day. Maybe he would switch all the names on lockers around, or maybe he was planting a bomb in the skool, that exploded with nano-bite parasites that devoured eyeballs and had a taste for human flesh!! As Dib's mind continued to race with the possibilities, his pencil tapping against his desk increased with every disturbing thought he could think of. 

The paranormal investigator's hand shot up and started to speak before he was even called on.

"Miss Bitters! Zim has been in the bathroom for a really long time!"

Miss Bitters dried lips curled into a snarl. "You've been saying that every ten minutes, Dib." 

"I'm just saying! It's only nine-thirty-five! No one uses the bathroom that much before Lunch!" 

"I do!" Willy snorted from the back of the class. 

"Yeah, Dib, maybe his skin condition gives him intestinal problems" added another classmate.

"But...that's not how intestinal problems wo-"

"Enough!" Miss Bitters hissed. "Everyone be quiet and procced to read quietly from your textbook, without interruptions. Quietly."

Dib raised his hand and began to speak before Miss Bitters could even call on him.

"May I go to the bathroom to check on Zim?" 

Miss Bitter's narrow framed glasses grew even narrower.

"Fine. But only so you'll stop shrieking every ten minutes of your miserable existence. Grab two hall-passes from the drawer."

Dib got up from his chair almost too eagerly. Finally, he'd be able to pursue what Zim was up to, he'd stop his evil plan, expose him for the alien menace he is and.... wait..

"Did you just say two Hall passes?" Dib questioned as he approached her desk a little too meekly. He would never admit it, but his teacher inspired great fear in him that almost forced him to be polite. 

"Zim forgot to grab one as he ran out shrieking like a demented dog!" 

Dib was about to ask his teacher what kinda dog would ever sound like Zim, but decided against it in favor of getting out of the classroom as quickly as possible. His eyes turned to his choices of Hall passes in the desk drawer. There were far more options than the last time he was forced to select a backup hall pass. All were equally horrible. Dib didn't want to be stuck lugging around a radiator again, on the off chance Zim was going on another organ hunting spree. He doubted it, Zim wasn't the type to do the same plan twice, but he never knows with that unpredictable alien menace. 

He just had to pick a Hall pass that wouldn't inebriate his movements. One looked like a spiked collar with the spikes pointing inward instead of outward. Dib couldn't think of it any less than a medieval torture device and flinched at the thought of it around his neck. There were a few rusted metal coat hangers, those were definitely a tetanus hazard. A hardened rock that didn't look too ba-...no wait, that was last week's meatloaf, fossilized into the weight equivalent of a two-ton anvil. 

"Are there any other Hall passes?" he asked meekly. 

A growl came from Miss Bitter's throat that sounded suspiciously like a hiss. In a rare, brief moment of clarity, Dib snatched two rusted wire hangers and dashed out of the room before his Teacher could change her mind. 

Once the door was closed behind him, Dib took a moment to catch his breath and think about where Zim could be at this moment. The roof? Cafeteria? Below the skool? There were so many options of attack and so many ways the skool was vulnerable. Obviously he wouldn’t be in the bathroom, that’s the very last possible place he would look. It was way too obvious, Which is why it should be the first place he should check! Reverse psychology, always one step ahead of his enemy at all times. That’s what makes Dib the ultimate defender of Earth! No one would suspect the bathroom as the first place Zim would be, which is why it should be the first place he should check. 

“Hey, weirdo.”

Dib turned his head to see the hall monitor approach him. 

“No talking in the Halls!” 

Dib raised an eyebrow. Was he-…. “Oh… yeah… right…sorry.”

He scampered along to the bathroom as he heard the Hall monitor mumble something about him being a freak. 

Dib ducked in and out of the halls, watching his back carefully. He needed to be careful and take every precaution necessary. Sneaking around corners, making zig-zag motions down the halls, and keeping an ear out for strange noises. Zim could be in the bathroom, or he couldn’t. He had to watch his back, and keep an eye out for every sound, every cough, every creak in the skool’s ventilation system. He tucked and rolled when he got close, pressing his back to the side of the door. Scanning the area with his wildly observant eyes, nothing will get past him! Not even those two girls that exchanged odd looks as they exited the girl’s restroom.

Observing that the coast was clear, Dib kicked the bathroom door open.

“ZIM! You’re not going to get away with this!!!” Dib announced pointing to….. an empty bathroom.

There was no one here. Dib’s eyes narrowed. Or so it would seem. If there’s anything he knew about being a paranormal investigator, was to never trust one’s eyes. He had to investigate the bathroom further. His eyes darted under the doors, checking for tiny little invader boots hiding in the stalls.

Nothing. No Zim, no plans, not even another classmate using the bathroom. Dib scanned the floor harder, trying not to think about what the molded various stains could be. Was there really nothing here?

Dib was about to open up every single stall and double-check when he came to a realization. 

“Ugh! That will take forever! I don’t have time for this! Zim could be plotting the death of humanity RIGHT NOW!” 

He turned on his heel to rush out when he heard the distinct sound of a ‘sploosh’ then a startled scream followed by distinct whimpering. He knew that voice.

Dib spun around and kicked the bathroom stall open. If anyone else was in the bathroom, they might have called this an invasion of privacy, but he was confronting an alien bent on world domination. 

“ZIM!” Dib announced to the irken invader who was…. currently sitting on top of the toilet, with his knees pressed to his chest, quivering and not looking at Dib. His boot was slightly wet with toilet water and Dib heard the distinct sound of sizzling and burning flesh. Zim was shaken pretty heavily, and Dib’s smile widened. 

“Ah-ha! Found you Zim! You thought you could hide from me! But you just couldn’t stay quiet, could you!”

Zim hugged himself tighter. Dib felt his confidence grow a little bit. 

“Aww, does your alien skin hurt from a little toilet water? Don’t worry, it’ll hurt a whole lot more!” 

Dib launched forward and grabbed the back of Zim’s head, with the distinct impulse to give him a swirly, as many other kids have done to him before. Before he got a chance to slam his small frame down into the disgusting toilet water, Zim’s eyes opened wide and he gave a guttural shriek unlike Dib has ever heard before. He swiped forward blindly, scratching the tip of Dib’s nose and knocking his glasses off in the process.

Dib stumbled backward, clutching his face.

“What the hell, Zim!? I didn’t even do anything yet!” Dib grabbed his glasses and put them back on, glaring at Zim, who was still sitting on top of the toilet, curled in on himself. 

Odd. Usually, Zim would use this opportunity to run away when he pulled a sneak attack like that. As he was glaring, Dib noticed a few things. The toilet's rim was completely covered by tissues. Meaning that Zim had been sitting here for a while. He wasn’t just hiding from him. Was he just, sitting on the toilet the whole time?

“Jus’ go…” Zim mumbled under his breath. “not you. not now. go.” his breathing was shaking and his words clumsily stuttered together. Almost as if he forgot his ability to speak.

“No! I’m not leaving! Not until you tell me what your plan is!” 

Zim curled in on himself further.

Dib’s eyes shifted. He was starting to feel guilty a bit. The scene was looking really familiar to him. It’s just like that time when Zim used a hologram to trick him, but this time, he had the scratch on his nose to prove it wasn’t a hologram. 

“Oh, comeon! You can’t get me again with that lame ‘cower and pretend to be helpless’ shtick, Zim! Fool me once!” 

“zim…. is… not……..helpless.” Zim quivered out. “Just leave.” 

“Not until you tell me what’s going on! What are you planning, what are you doing sitting on a toilet! Were you sitting on the toilet for that whole time?! Is your plan toilet-related?! Huh? HUH? HUH?!”

No response.

Dib was starting to get fed up with this. He reached for his alien handcuffs located in the pockets of his trenchcoat. 

“Alright, if you’re not gonna cooperate, I’m just going to cuff you and drag you to…”

Zim screamed a whole octave higher when Dib grabbed his wrist. Dib let out a series of guttural sounds as Zim repeatedly kicked him over and over and over in his fleshy stomach. 

“NO! NO! NO! NO!” 

Dib’s grip weekend and he released Zim. Coughing and gasping and clutching his stomach. He glared and Zim was still shivering curled in on himself. Not even looking at him.

“The… hell….” Dib wheezed. He was starting to get mad now.

“Okay! What the hell is with you, Zim! You’re acting crazy! Well, more crazy than usual! I wouldn’t have ever come to see what you were up to if I knew you were just cowering in the bathroom like a…. a…. ” Dib struggled to think of a word that wasn’t a cus or slightly sexist insult that Gaz would beat him up for later. “….dookie-brain!” He got nothing.

Zim didn’t respond. Zim didn’t even make a noise of acknowledgment at Dib’s accusation. Earlier, Zim had at least tried to retort at Dib when Dib insulted him, but now, he turned completely away from him, shrinking in on himself, as if he was trying to will Dib away by ignoring him altogether. Dib glared. The silence hung thick in the air. 

Zim’s whole body was quaking like a leaf. His breaths were hard and ragged. His large bug eyes were screwed tight as he ground his pink nubby teeth. He almost looked…scared? Of what? Clearly it wasn’t him, Dib had the scratch on his nose and the consecutive bruises on his stomach to prove it. 

Dib’s glare slightly lessened. He hated that Zim could make him feel bad when he’s the alien who’s bent on world domination here. He’s the one covered in bruises and has a slightly bloody nose but here he is, feeling uncomfortable at seeing this alien monster in such a state. 

“…What’s going on man?” Dib tried again, albeit a bit awkward form of comfort. 

Zim said nothing. Dib raised an eyebrow. 

“If confusing the heck out of me is part of your evil plan, I got to say, it’s working… soo…. good job? I guess?” 

Nothing. 

“Unless this isn’t part of a plan,” Dib spoke aloud to himself. Zim didn’t respond at Dib’s words.

“…Are you sick? Usually, when you’re sick, stuff on your face tends to explode on or near me and tends to cause the destruction for all of mankind. So tell me if you’re sick so I can isolate you from hurting or mind-controlling anyone!” 

Zim remained unresponsive. It’s like Dib hit a switch that just turned him off. Was he turned off? Is that a thing? Dib tilted his head to get a better look at his PAK. It didn’t look like it was overheating or the light was dimming. It was the same pale pink it’s always been and wasn’t making any noise. So… that was good? Hopefully? It’s kind of hard to tell if the alien technology that’s essentially his life-support system is working properly when the only time Dib interacted with it was when it was trying to override his personality. 

“Your PAK isn’t damaged is it?” Dib expected at least at the mention of his PAK that Zim would shift into a position where his back wasn’t so exposed to his nemesis, or take a more defensive stance, but even then, nothing.

This whole thing was turning into more of a puzzle then Dib expected it to. All he wanted was to stop Zim’s evil plans and perhaps maybe rough him up a few times to show him who the true defender of Earth was. But even then, that proved impossible in the state Zim was in if he was just going to be meek and react with screaming and violence every time Dib tried to lay hands on him. 

“Alright, so it’s not your PAK, you're not sick, and you still hate my guts. Touching is out of the question, so like no fighting and… were you just hiding on the toilet the whole time?” Dib glanced down to the tissues covering the rim of the toilet seat and noticed the soft sizzle of his leg being burned by the toilet water. 

Zim’s lack of an answer was more than enough for Dib. If Zim had a plan he would surely be bragging about it by now. Even if he didn’t, he felt that Zim would at least be putting on more of a show of his hurt leg. He tended to over-dramatize when he was in pain. Dib was starting to piece a few things together, slowly. This was turning less into defending the Earth type of work, and more of paranormal investigation type of work.

And… Zim technically is a paranormal creature right? Would it be so wrong to try and investigate what his problem is? I mean… that’s what a paranormal investigator does right? Well, not entirely, but Zim’s attitude is really starting to annoy him and freak him out. So he should at least look into this a little more, and who knows, it might just prevent the destruction of mankind in the process. 

Dib got a good look over at Zim. He was still facing away from him, shaking violently, eyes shut tight. It was like Dib wasn’t even here and he was experiencing a nightmare while being fully conscious. Not to mention he was sweating a lot. It gave off a distinct smell that Dib couldn’t quite describe. Dib tried to think of what could bring the proud Invader to his knees like this. He thought back to earlier that morning. 

It really had been no different from a normal morning. Zim marched into the classroom, greeting his fellow inferior hooman worm pigs as a normal way to start the day. Of course, Dib didn’t miss the opportunity to jump on the chance to mention that no other human would refer to themselves that way and that it’s undeniable proof he has to be an alien, which Zim screamed LIES back at him. It wasn’t all that different from a typical morning, and they had a bit of time to argue before the skoolbell rang and summoned Miss Bitters from the ether. 

“We go over this every time! No other classmate refers to themselves as worm-pigs, slaves or filthy humans! He has to be an alien!” 

“LIES! Filthy LIES!”

“Then who else but you refers to his classmates that way?!”

“Perhaps you do, Dookie-Dib!” Zim’s eyes shifted nervously a bit before pointing an accusatory finger at Dib, “How do you know YOU are not the alien!”

“…Hey, maybe Zim’s gotta point.” Zita mentioned off-handedly. Only half-paying attention because she sat behind Zim in class. “Dib’s always been crazy and a weirdo.”

“Hey!” Dib protested as Zim nodded.

“Yes, Yes! It is Dib who is the alien, and not Zim! Just look how abnormally large his head is of… largeness!” 

“…My head’s not that big.” Dib pouted. 

The Letter M snickered. “Heh, yeah. Wouldn’t it be hilarious if Dib was the alien, and was just trying to get us off his trail by accusing Zim all the time?” 

“Seriously?!” Dib could hardly believe his ears. “Zim’s done that plan before! And it sucked! Zim tried to frame Poonchy for being an alien, remember?!” 

The class all glanced at Poonchy. Poonchy just shrugged. He didn’t remember anything like that ever happening. 

Jessica from the back of the class snorted while glued to her phone. “Maybe you’re all aliens.” she scoffed.

“Yeah.” her friend Letty chimed in, texting her back even though they sat right next to each other. “You’re both freaks.” 

Dib scowled and rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, sure! Why not! We’re both aliens, I work for Zim and this whole thing is just a giant conspiracy of reverse psychology so you won’t even believe me when I say Zim’s an alien.” 

“Ya know, that kinda makes sense.” The Letter M commented. 

Dib blinked. He hadn’t expected his classmates to take his sarcasm seriously. Zim started to look nervous. 

“Yeah, Dib does bring attention to Zim a lot, and he’s always been crazy.” Zita replied. 

Zim’s eyes shifted. “Eh.. What?! No! Dib is the alien, not Zim! In fact, there are no aliens here! We are all very normal disgusting worm-babies that are completely normal and not alien at all.” 

Dib frowned. This wasn’t how he wanted to expose Zim but he might as well take this chance while he could. If people called him crazy now, he can just say he was lying to infiltrate the alien’s base or something. He knows folks at the Swollen Eyeball will back him up if his accusation went anywhere, he’s been a member for at least a year now. Just a few more months and he’ll get his honorary member official commemorative coffee cup. 

“That’s right!” Dib exclaimed jumping to stand on his desk and Zim flinched. “I’m an alien, and Zim is my boss”

“WHAT?!” Zim shrieked. Clearly appalled by the attention Dib was drawing. 

All eyes in the classroom were on them now. Even a few classmates who were asleep or on their phones up till that point. 

“He has evil plans to take over the planet and I was calling him an alien for a cover story! You have figured it out! And now that you have caught us, we’ll gladly hand ourselves into the authorities to be dissected and experimented on in captivity for the rest of our natural-born lives!” Dib hoped his performance was convincing. 

“NO!” Zim jumped to his desk in retaliation. “I WILL NOT TURN MYSELF IN! THE BIG HEADED BOY SPOUTS LIES! LIES AND SLANDER!”

“Why do you need to worry if you’re not an alien, Zim!” 

Zim opened his mouth to retort, but his gaze shifted to the eyes of every student in the classroom staring at them now. He froze up and at once seemed a loss for words. Dib grinned madly. 

“The charade is over, Zim! It was fun while it lasted, but we better come clean for the horrible experiments that await hideous monsters like us!” 

“Good Riddance,” Zita commented. 

Zim trembled. 

“Yeah, if they’re both aliens, that means the government will take them away. Just like my Dad!” Poonchy exclaimed. 

“I’d like to see that.” Jessica commented. 

Dib’s grin faltered when he remembered he kinda condemned himself to be put in the crazy house for boys again. But a small price to pay for the bettering of humanity. 

“Do they cut off their toes and put ‘em in a jar?” Dirge grunted. 

Zim noticeably flinched. 

“Don’t be gross,” Gretchen replied. “They obviously section off parts of the body to examine piece by piece.” 

Zim’s entire body trembled. 

“Wicked.” Dirge nodded in approval. 

“Aww man. Dib and Zim are so cool though, if they got put into little jars I’d want to take them home for myself so we could keep being the best of pals!” Keef mentioned thoughtfully. 

Everyone ignored Keef.

Dib gave a wide grin at Zim’s obvious discomfort. Now was his chance to put the final nail in the coffin. 

“You see, Zim?! That’s the fate that awaits monsters like you! Little chopped bits of alien guts in a jar! It’s the whole class against you!” 

“We never said that.” said a voice from the back of the class Dib barely heard. 

“FOOLISH HOOMAN! You just claimed that you are an alien as well! You will be disseected along with Zim!!!! YOU HAVE DOOMED YOURSELF!” Zim’s claws were gripping his desk as he spoke. 

“That’s what you think, Zim! I have the whole class, the Swollen Eyeball Network and my Dad behind me! At least one of them will realize I’m not an alien after they examine me. But you?! You’ll be carted away never to be seen again. You have no one to get you out and evil robot minions don’t count. Who will save you when you’re staring down the point of the autopsy knife?! What’s your plan then?!” 

Zim’s entire body shook, and Dib swore he thought he saw Zim’s trembling hand reach for his right wrist as if he was going to mess with his settings on an invisible watch or something but he must have imagined it because Zim slammed both his fists on the desk. 

“YOU KNOW NOTHING!!! I WILL CONTACT THE ARMADA IMMEDIATELY! The Armada would come and your pitiful world will be nothing but DUST particles floating about in space! Congratulations Diiiiiiiib, you just doomed your species faster!………….if….I was an alien, which I’m not.” Zim hastily amended. 

“How can you expect to contact your leaders for the coming invasion if you're reduced to nothing more then pickled organs in the science lab.” Dib smirked. 

Zim’s eyes turned wide as saucers. “…N-no they… they would come…before… that…” 

Zim shifted in his seat, aware of the eyes of the entire class on him. Beads of sweat ran down his face, his entire body shook and Dib could hear his breathing and smell the panic radiating off the alien menace. A sadistic grin crept up onto Dib’s features. 

“Well, only one way to find out, right?” 

Dib grinned sadistically as he lunged at Zim’s desk. With full intent to capture him in front of the whole class. Zim dodged Dib, causing Dib’s head to slam on the desk chair. Zim ran screaming out of the classroom. Dib rubbed his head and proceeded to chase after him…

But the skoolbell rang, and Miss Bitters materialized in front of the door the moment Dib tried to leave.

“Class has started.” 

“But Zim, he-” 

“SIT DOWN!” 

“But Zi-”

“SIT!” 

Dib sealed his mouth and did as he was told. No matter how he tried to argue with Miss Bitters it just proved pointless. Dib even mentioned that Zim was skipping class by not being here, but Zita surprisingly backed Zim up, saying that he probably went to the bathroom cause Dib was bullying him again. Dib tried to argue that he wasn’t bullying Zim, because he was an alien menace from outer space bent on destroying the human race, and that the class agreed with him this time. The Letter M rolled his eyes.

“Geez, Dib, we were joking. We don’t think you’re an alien.” 

Gretchen nodded and added in, “It is cool to think about though. That horrors exist within this skool that we can’t explain… but it’s just like… all stories.” 

Dib was furious and couldn’t believe his classmates. Even when he thought he was throwing himself under the bus, it didn’t even matter cause they didn’t believe him in the first place.

Thinking back to that morning, Dib felt he didn’t say or do anything that wasn’t their typical banter. Nothing that would reduce Zim into the sorry state he saw him in now anyways.

“Like, I try to capture you every day Zim. It’s not that big a deal. Like you’re being evil and stuff, and I try to lock you in handcuffs, that’s just how it goes.” Dib tried awkwardly, unsure why he wanted to comfort Zim in the first place. “It turned out the class didn’t believe me anyways. It was just some sort of dumb joke by them to make me look crazy. So I guess you don’t need to worry about the whole class jumping on you.” 

Zim still didn’t look at him. His body language was just screaming at Dib to leave. And why didn’t he? There would absolutely be nothing lost if Dib were just to leave and go back to class right now. Zim would probably get over whatever this episode was, and they would go back to fighting like normal the next day. For some reason Dib couldn’t explain, it felt like he couldn’t leave. Like some of this might be his fault? But that’s stupid. There must be another reason. A very good one. That Dib can not think of right now.

Dib sighed and put the alien cuffs into his jacket pocket. A gesture of peace that Zim didn’t see at the moment. 

“Can I borrow some of that toilet paper?” 

No response.

Dib rolled his eyes and unrolled some toilet paper for himself. The sound of tiny tears of toilet paper and Zim’s ragged breaths echoing in the otherwise silent bathroom stall. Dib placed the toilet paper down on the bathroom floor. Grime seeped through immediately. Dib winced. Eh. Good enough. He sat on the cleanest looking spot of toilet paper on the floor. Zim’s head slightly turned to Dib, slightly curious, but still shaking and having difficulty breathing. 

“Look, something is going on with you, and I’d be a pretty crappy paranormal investigator if I didn’t find out what that is. So I’ll keep an eye on you until you calm down.” Because he certainly wasn’t guilt that made Dib sit down on the disgusting bathroom floor.

Zim attempted a glare, but the effect was lessened with how much he was trembling, sweating, and breathing heavily. He seemed to give up on the glare and turned away from Dib again. As if looking at him brought him physical pain.

Dib’s gaze focused. Something about the way Zim was curled in on himself, looked really familiar somehow. Like that one time… oh!

“Hey, Zim, ya want to hear a story?” Dib tried. It’s not like he was going back to class anytime soon. 

No response. Like Dib expected.

“Great.” Dib grinned, and he could practically feel Zim’s unbridled hatred for him, even with him being like this.

“Once when I was really little, I was abducted by ghouls.” Zim shifted. 

“Yeah, I know, you can call me crazy or full of lies or whatever, but it’s true.” Dib said, interpreting what Zim wanted to say for him. “They were really tall with square shoulders and heads. With claws and vicious teeth.” Dib made a huge fake smile as he did, trying to replicate the false grins he remembers from his younger years.

“They tied me up so I couldn’t move, and locked me in dark rooms and performed all kinds of torture on me. Mostly with electricity. I don’t know why ghouls had electric powers, but that’s beside the point.” Dib noticed that Zim’s trembling lessened ever so slightly so he continued. “And I was like… really scared. I can’t remember how long I was captured by them, but I was starting to think I’d never see my Dad or sister again. I basically…. well I shut down. I was a stammering mess, it felt like I couldn’t breathe but couldn’t stop talking at the same time. I also couldn’t move, and the ghouls couldn’t force me to go anywhere. I… can’t remember what happened after that… Maybe I stopped breathing entirely? Not sure… but the next thing I remember is my Dad stroking my hair and talking me through the symptoms of a panic attack.”

“….”

“….Do… you want me to help?” Dib attempted awkwardly, noticing how Zim’s breathing has subtly improved throughout the course of his story. 

Dib thought he would get the silent treatment again, but he heard a tiny squeaky voice that spoke in a manner very un-zim that he was almost certain he imagined it. 

“Go away.” 

Dib frowned. He was expecting Zim to refuse his help altogether, but he wouldn’t accept that. Dib didn’t know why he felt like he had to help Zim anyways. He’s an alien menace sent to conquer Earth, and Dib was helping him instead of attacking him for reasons he himself wasn’t quite sure of. 

“Look, space lizard, I’m only helping you so I can go back to trying to expose you. It’s no fun when you’re all… well having an anxiety attack…I don’t know what the irken equivalent is.” Dib added hastily at the end, reading Zim’s mind.

“I’m sure you’re a superior race than me and don’t get anxiety attacks or anything like we filthy worm-pigs experience right?” Dib rambled on, speaking for Zim coming more naturally then he thought it would. “But I’m just saying the symptoms are close.. and I can talk you through them. At least…. it helped me. And it’s my job as a paranormal investigator to investigate the paranormal! So I’m going to investigate what the problem is, and help you whether you want me to or not!” Dib exclaimed, surprised by his own words as they left his mouth. 

He wasn’t even sure what Zim’s response to that would be. Dib assumed he’d be greeted with the silent treatment again. It seemed he had difficulty speaking and communicating as it was. But to Dib’s surprise when Zim gave a shaky nod. 

“Ah.. oh.. really?” Zim didn’t move. “Okay, Okay. I’ll help before I change my mind… or you change your mind.. or.. auh. nevermind just..” Dib took a deep breath. He was rambling again, and that wouldn’t help. 

“Okay… So…” Dib dug in his coat pockets and started to record from his phone. For security reasons and study purposes. No other reason, that definitely wasn’t blackmail to use against Zim sometime in the future.

“When you run away to the bathroom screaming… is this what you do all the time?” Zim shifted and Dib swore he thought he heard a hiss from his throat that sounded like a combination between an angry cat and a cicada. 

“I’m just asking cause it’s important, Zim….Are these an-..um.. ‘episodes’ a reoccurring thing?” 

Dib realized he already knew the answer to that as he was asking it. Zim’s lack of response spoke volumes. Of course. Every single time Zim ran out from a room screaming, Dib always had trouble finding him. He was hiding. That’s…. That felt so un-zim to Dib he didn’t know how to process that. While Zim’s episodes happened less frequently the longer he stayed on Earth, they still happened. 

Dib remembered the first week of skool where it seemed he could never find Zim during recess or lunch. He had always assumed he was scheming, but, well, maybe he was, but there was a high possibility Zim was freaking out and hiding away somewhere. Part of Dib felt glad that Zim feared him so much, but another part of him felt bad. I’m sure if he was an alien species on Zim’s planet, he’d be nervous about being discovered every second of every day too. Dib shook his head, angry at himself for thinking such thoughts. 

At the same time, Dib felt stupid for not recognizing it sooner. But how could he? It’s not like he had a reason to believe that Zim wasn’t planning something evil and was using a huge reaction as an excuse to leave class. He couldn’t have known. He couldn’t.

“Because, if this kinda thing happens often.. um.. it might be best to just.. realize what symptoms you're experiencing and recognize that you’re experiencing an anxiety attack and you’ve been through it before, so the symptoms will pass and…” And Dib realized how stupid he sounded. 

Right… this is Zim he’s talking about.

Getting Zim to admit anything was a nightmare. Dib would need to change his approach. 

“Okay, forget I said anything. Just, uncurl from your position on the toilet. That can’t be comfortable.” 

Zim didn’t budge. Dib pursed his lips.

“…Look, okay. Look around the room and try to find one thing that is a different color of the rainbow…. Can you find the color red?” 

Dib felt stupid, but he felt even stupider when Zim didn’t even lookup.

“Zim, my helping does nothing if you don’t try. I promise I won’t expose you today, alright? I’ll even back off for the rest of the day if you want me to.” 

Dib was actually surprised that what he said got Zim’s attention. “Zim.. doesn’t… need.. your… pity….human…” he breathed out. 

“I don’t pity you!” Dib shouted defensively. “I just….. I don’t know! I’m being dumb! I’m a stupid human and I still have stupid human feelings and I’m not going to leave you sitting on a disgusting toilet all day just because I made you upset or whatever!” 

Zim blinked and turned his head so he was staring right at Dib. Dib felt awkward. This was arguably worse. He wished Zim was looking away from him right now. Zim’s eyes looked ragged and sad. The whites of his contacts looking more pink then white and unmistakenly wetter than usual. Dib felt heat creep to his ears from Zim’s gaze. He really hopes that Zim didn’t take his words as an apology. Cause.. he wasn’t apologizing! He has no reason to feel bad. But he’s still here. God, why is he still here and still talking to Zim. Why did he even want to help anyway? Zim won’t be grateful for it. What was he getting out of this, this was just stupi-

“….very… well.” Zim stammered out. Still attempting to sound proud but the effect was lessened with how shaky his voice was.

“Okay, we’ll just… never talk about this again after you’ve calmed down.” 

“Zim…calm.” Dib looked unimpressed with how Zim’s body quivered. 

“Sure you are…… Look just… focus and practice breathing with me.”

Zim opened his mouth to attempt to speak.

“I know that you know how to breathe.” Dib translated for Zim. 

“Just… this helps. Take a deep breath, and excel through your…. nose?…. nostrils? mouth? umm…..what do you have.. how do you breathe? ….. ah.. anyways… excel and focus on the air as it leaves your body, as it travels in… up and out…” 

Dib traced his finger along his own abdomen as an example. Repeating the words and techniques he remembered from how his Dad calmed him down during his freakouts. 

Dib felt a bit nervous under Zim’s gaze but was surprised to find, after a moment of silence, Zim was controlling his breathing. 

He was…. listening to him? 

Dib felt he might pass out from that moment of shock. Even the small moments when they teamed up, Zim seemed to have an aversion for taking his advice or listening to him at all. 

“G-great! Just keep doing that.” 

Zim’s breaths grew less hasty and panicked, as he continued to focus on breathing but he still kept his eyes on Dib. He was still shaking pretty hard. It was hard to calm down from an anxiety attack when the reason for said episode is in the stall with you. 

Dib took notice of how close Zim held his hands to his chest. His elbows bent at an odd angle, pointing them inward, similar to how illustrations of dinosaurs looked in his textbooks. He was fidgeting with them, tapping his claws against each other and close to his abdomen. 

“Okay… so… take your left index finger…. yeah I know this sounds stupid, stop staring at me like that… and press it to your right palm, like that, yeah… then tap your right index finger to your left palm… as you’re doing this, count backward from twenty.” 

Zim’s thin lips curled into a sneer, and it was clear he wanted to talk back if he could. However, he kept taking his deep breaths and counted.

“Twenty… Nineteen… Q… X… W… Y… Five… Twelve…A… B… Twenty-two…” 

“Wait…. How do you know the time tables perfectly but can’t count backward from twenty?”

“DO NOT QUESTION ME!!!” Zim shrieked at him, and Dib winced at the reverb of the echo in the bathroom.

Yeah, that sounded more like Zim. Dib pouted but despite himself, he found himself smiling.

Zim blinked and frowned. “…what?” 

“Nothing.”

“No, what. You’re smiling with your smile bone-teefs. Why?!” 

“Ah.. N-nothing.. It was… uh ‘nice’ to hear you scream at me again I guess.” 

“…Nice??” 

“Umm.. yeah… more like Zim.” Dib avoided his gaze, not wanting to think about what he said anymore. 

“Are you feeling better?” He mumbled, unsure why he was still helping him.

Zim flexed his fingers and examined the shakiness of his claws. “…Zim’s… ‘episode’ as you called it has… calmed considerably.” 

“Ah.. Good.” Dib said, unsure of what to do now. He didn’t really have a follow-through plan for when Zim was calmer. 

Zim looked up at Dib. A heavy awkward silence filled the air. 

Before Dib opened his mouth, Zim jumped to his feet in front of Dib, pointing a gloved claw in his face. 

“FOOLISH HOOMAN! YOU HAVE FALLEN FOR MY TRAP! YES… MY PLAN TO… to… uh… ummm… huh…. ehh…” 

It was clear Zim didn’t think of a plan. 

“THAT’S WHAT YOU THINK YOU SPACE MONSTER! I STOPPED …. uh… whatever your plan was.” 

It was clear Dib didn’t stop anything. 

“THAT’S WHAT YOU THINK… For next time you won’t… uh… be so lucky as to… and… so forth… ” 

Zim waved his hand in a dismissive manner. 

“Right.. uh.. umm.. hey, Zim?” 

Zim squinted a single eye at him. “Eh?”

“Like…. if something like that happens again, I could-” 

“I do not need your help or pity you disgusting meat-cow-pig-worm! I do not want you to find me. You intruded on Zim’s private bathroom time, and for that, you shall pay.. oh, pay SO MUCH!” 

Dib shook his head. “What? Like… no. I don’t want to help you when your having…”

Zim glared.

“….Experiencing a perfectly normal reaction.” Dib rolled his eyes as he said it.

“I was just saying… if it happens again, just try those things again… and like… Well, it doesn’t matter cause you snapped yourself out of it before it could get any worse.. so..” 

Dib got to his feet, and made a hasty attempt to leave the stall, when Zim stopped him with a firm grip on his shoulder. Dib’s gaze followed the grip on his shoulder to the irken who was gazing at him intently.

“What would you have said to Zim… if it had gotten worse… not that it would have… I AM ZIM, and obviously this whole thing was just a ruse to get you to.. um… skip class.. YES.. To get an ‘EFF” for the day! I am so clever, I astound even me at times.”

Dib laughed awkwardly. “Right, obviously a ruse… but um.. if it did get worse… I would of given you more grounding techniques… if you wanted to try them of course.” 

“Grounding?… I am not touching the disgusting floor.”

“Uh.. no, I just mean.. I would have asked you what your favorite colors are… five things you can see… four things you can touch.. three things you can hear… stuff you can smell… taste.. stuff like that.” 

Zim rubbed his chin thoughtfully. 

“Like… just recognizing where you are physically in the space can help bring you back to reality, but your fine now it seems so…” 

Dib gave Zim a small lookover… While it is true he stopped shaking and got off the toilet, his entire body was tense. 

“…And while you were being… electric zapped by those smiling ghouls from your smeethood… did thinking about your favorite colors and touching things help?”

Dib blinked, his ears turning slightly red, forgetting he gave his enemy that private information. He thought about it for a moment.

“Yeah, it did.” 

“…hmm..” 

Zim seemed to be in deep thought about something.

“Look, man.. I… you forgot your hall pass” 

Dib handed Zim one of the wire coathangers that was buried in his trenchcoat pocket.

“..do you just keep everything in your pockets?”

“Well, I can’t bring my alien-hunting briefcase to skool.”

“oh…. WAIT! I was in the Halls… without a PASS?!?!” Zim seemed shocked at that revelation “HOW LONG WAS I HERE?!”

“Well…”

“GAH NO TIME!”

Zim pushed Dib as he ran out of the bathroom, Dib’s body slamming into the stall with a soft ‘oof’

“HEY, YOU JERK!” 

Dib grunted and brushed himself off, pouting. Well, that was a complete and utter waste of time. He better go back to class too. He spent way too much time as it was. When he got back he noticed Zim writing on his notepad at his desk like nothing ever happened. Which was good, Dib wanted it to go back that way. As he passed Zim’s desk on the way to his own he could have sworn Zim was writing down the techniques Dib was talking about earlier. 

Dib felt a weird sense of pride and guilt at the same time. What if he just doomed the planet by making Zim have a better handle on his anxiety spirals? He decided not to think about it too hard. The whole exchange had Zim looking pretty exhausted. Dib remembered how after his Dad calmed him down when he freaked out, they would chill on the couch together and watch science documentaries until he fell asleep. Since he didn’t have much energy for anything after that.

From the way Zim struggled to keep his eyes focused through the rest of Miss bitter’s lecture, it was safe to assume that he wouldn’t try anything.

Dib decided he will keep his word and not try to expose him today.

At least for today.

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this forever. I kinda rushed the ending, but let me know if you like it. I haven't written fanfiction in years. Ironically, I ended up basing this off of my real-life experience when my sis had a panic attack and I had to calm her down.
> 
> Thanks to Ceph for the title suggestion.


End file.
